Ah, it’s that time again. That point in the year when newspapers and magazines start their daily attacks on beach bodies. I hate the term ‘bikini ready.’ It implies that there is a certain size/shape you must be before you can slip into a two piece which is bollocks. Shove a bikini on – voilà. Bikini body done.
The Daily Mail has eight, EIGHT, articles about celebrity bikini bodies in it’s sidebar of shame today. That doesn’t include stories on celebs in their underwear/gym wear or articles about how fantastic weight -loss is (EIGHTEEN if you are interested.) We’ve got Kristen Bell and her ‘flash of bikini body,’ Courtney Bingham ‘showing off’ hers and Nicole Murphey has an ‘impressive’ bikini body for someone who is 46 apparently whilst Cameron Diaz has an ‘enviably toned physique.’ All I am seeing is misogynistic drivel aimed at making women feel like shit. The over riding message throughout all the stories is ‘look like this!!!’ Just to make it clearer, they are nicely broken up by stories of successful dieters and articles about famous men partying with hot girls. Seriously. Brody Jenner has to tell the ladies to ‘form an orderly queue’ and Leonardo DiCaprio ‘deserves’ some time relaxing on a beach. Something I particularly enjoyed reading was a caption underneath a picture of Leo’s date titled ‘the Victoria’s Secret model has been sharing numerous pictures from the yacht.’ Not even a name. That isn’t important obviously.
So we revert to traditional bullshit here. Men must be rich and have yachts. Women must be thin and enviably toned in a two piece to get on said yacht. The whole thing makes me sick. More so when I think that we still have months more of this to suffer through.
Just to break up the monotony, we do have a story about Kelly Brook getting engaged. Of course it’s ‘very soon’ and ‘rushed’ but just to add to the reputational labelling going on, we have a nice table outlining her previous partners. We have four people on it since 1997 but someone still deemed it necessary to remind us that she has been engaged before and that it didn’t work out. I’m worried that she will become the new Jennifer Aniston for the media to beat up every time she suggests that she’s happy with a man.