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‘I don’t think I liked that very much’ said Natalia after Adam had made her awkwardly walk on all fours across his apartment, gone down on her from behind without her permission and then finished up all over her chest. You don’t say. At least he missed the dress.

Few things are as heavily politicised as sex and sexual predilection. Within that, we have areas that are constantly up for debate and none more so than this; Where does a guy finish? This survey was published on a Cosmo forum page a few years back;

Where do you like your guy to cum?
1.In Vagina 
2.On Vagina
3.In Ass
4.On Ass
5.In Mouth
6.On Face
7.On Tits
8.On Stomach
9.On Back
10.On Feet 

Oooh so many tempting options there. There is something demeaning about this whole finishing up conundrum. Something overtly masculine, territorial. Like cats spraying the furniture to mark it as theirs, a guy jizzing on your face or decorating your tits with his cum invokes the same comparison. ‘Facials are degrading — and that’s why they’re so hot,’ argued Dan Savage, an American sex columnist.  Could we link it to misogyny, this eternal quest for dominance and control over our bodies? By soiling us, dirtying us, men are rendering us as out of bounds to anyone else. Marking us as ‘used.’ Perhaps this is an area where us girls have got it easy; our orgasms are relatively fuss free in terms of clean up operations. 

Porn can be credited with bringing the facial – and cum on the ass, boobs, back, stomach… – to the masses. We can argue that it’s a way of signalling the end of the ‘experience’ – with so many positions to cram in, it could be hard to measure success; nothing says ‘I’m done!’ quite like a woman scraping sperm out of her eye socket. A cum shot is a ‘clean’ (ironic) way of suggesting closure. Some argue that a guy finishing up on a girls face is positive. It’s a way of involving both parties in the end scene; this way we get to see the fruits of his labour (the ejaculation) plus her reaction to it (often surprised and on an awkwardly contorted face.) The cum shot is proof of pleasure, for one person at least. Girls can fake it, but the shot of a woman with semen dripping off her ass is proof of purchase. 

cA woman, on her knees, mouth open, subservient, is quite the heady image I’d imagine. In the ultimate position of submission, the guy knows she is willing. Could we suggest that, far from being degrading, the sum shot is actually redeeming? Is it empowering, taking this typically submissive role on and making it work for you? A way of validating the guy and his choices? I read a really interesting article on this concept via Jezebel. Instead of being a politicised question, the act was seen as a way of reassuring the guy’s need for validation. ‘So you’re saying that when a man comes on a woman’s face, it’s not about making her dirty — it’s about making him feel clean?’  A way of the woman accepting his body, his desires and making room for them. On her tits. 

c1Thing is, you just can’t escape from the fact that a guy finishing anywhere on you is messy. It’s not a massively pleasant experience is it; no one enjoys that feeling of having to towel themselves off before slipping back into their clothes lest they end up with dry semen caked around their nipples. When talking to my friends, opinion was mixed. A few liked it ( ‘do I like it because I should though? God I’m so confused.’) Some said the semen was a great skin care solution, and like any busy gal on the go she loves killing two birds with one stone; a guy cumming on the chest gets her brownie points and soft skin. Lush. Others are very anti finishing anywhere other than the vagina. ‘Spraying his shit on me is a way of saying I’m not worth anything, he’s literally saying ‘here take this bitch’ and I am not ok with that.’ One babe argued that as long as it is consensual, surely anything goes in the bedroom? Maybe some people want to be dominated, just like others want to dominate? Some guys like to see the girl literally all dressed up in love; it’s possessive, erotic. One of my friends said it makes her feel like a goddess because ‘no girl let him cum on her ass before.’ At least this way, you can’t get pregnant. Maybe that’s the crux of it? Driven by the post modern notion of fluid identities, fleeting relationships, one night stands and anything goes, a guy finishing anywhere other than the vagina is a way of reducing the risk of ending up with child.

Is it anti feminist? If we argue that feminism is allowing women the right to choose in any circumstance; allowing women the right to do as they please free from judgement and condescension than no. If you are enjoying your bedroom antics, then who cares? If you want your guy to cum on your face then go ahead. If you want him to finish up in a condom, have a shower before getting back into bed and then lying with a towel separating the both of you, then fine. Sex is not anti feminist. If something makes you feel degraded or unhappy though, different story..

I can’t shake the idea that it’s animalistic somehow; it’s raw and pornified and messy. It brings about questions of respect, self worth and feeling valued. I’m not saying that I’m anti, just curious as to the motives behind it. If a guy got off on the idea of me wide eyed, open mouthed and gagging for it then sure – but if it was more about him wanting to control, own and mark me then no. Because;

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  • BR

    Until recently I’d never really understood the whole “facial” thing. If I was watching porn I’d either make sure I was, er, done with it or click onto a new video before that scene; and in my own bedroom it just never really occurred to me as something to do. With established partners I’ve used the withdrawal method as a crude contraceptive but it always sort of by default just ended up on their back/stomach – and it wasn’t the visual or act of doing so that was the purpose, if that makes sense. Furthermore I couldn’t think of anything less attractive than a woman with her face all scrunched up in obvious disgust about what was about to happen to her; getting off on that is worryingly close to non-consent for my liking. I’m lucky to be wired up so that I *need* enthusiasm from my partner before I can really enjoy anything myself, but c’mon – surely the most basic respect for your partner stops you before you go through with something they obviously hate?

    And then – I met my current partner. She’s one of the women who actively enjoys the whole “come on my face/tits” thing, and on being told in no uncertain terms fairly early on in our sexual relationship that I was to oblige her in this request, I did so. I wouldn’t now go as far as to say I “get” it, but I love her; this makes her happy; it make no odds to me really: so I’m happy to do what she wants. And obviously – since she is eager, there’s no scrunched-up disgusted facial expressions! I’m not about to start on about feminism, being distinctly unqualified to do so, but I reckon that if I asked her she would say “I am an independent, sexually liberated woman who is telling her man what to do to make her happy – what could be anti-feminist about that?”

    Since we’ve started trying for children it happens less, but we are a couple where I don’t really go for the visual “I must come on you” thing and she almost insists on it. Weird? Maybe. But it works for us…

    • em

      I think that’s exactly it; if it’s fun for you and she likes it, then it’s all good.My only issue is when it’s done more as a sign of dominance over a submissive female who isn’t prepared or necessarily consenting. I’m a big fan of people doing what makes them happy in the bedroom. Thank you for sharing! xxx