fing2‘Fingering’ is such an unpleasant word for something so great, something so quick to get you off. Fingering seems to be a nostalgic fad, something we left in the 90s, along with our crush on Zack Morris and those headbands with our names on, in favour of oral sex and straight to it action. I don’t get it – finger fun is low risk, easy to master and feels terribly, inimitably, naughty.

When I was a teenager, fingering was all the rage. Nothing made you cooler than if you had been fingered – except maybe a bottle of vodka stolen from your parents drinks cabinet. Your friends would gather round, Jackanory style, whilst you regaled them with the tale of how you were now ‘a woman’ because you had welcomed adolescent fingers into your lady garden  Sure, it was probably a hideous, heady mix of wide eyed wonder and confused fumbling, intermingled with worry about your mum barging in and what you were supposed to do with your hands whilst he got on with it, but still. At that point, finger fun was the furthest ‘good girls’ ever went and losing your f-virginity was BIG news. Now though, fingering seems to be off the menu. In a world dominated by porn and Rihanna’s music videos, fingering seems tame all of a sudden, vanilla. The cool kids are now favouring threesomes, sex dungeons, hanging upside down whilst being spanked and called a pretty pony.. anything but the good old stuff.

fing4I blame porn. Mostly created by men, for men, it centres around the stuff that gets men going. It’s perfectly fine to show a woman getting pounded by three guys or spread eagled over a desk whilst a guy comes on her arse but to show her having her clit played with and some digit dancing? Nope. Nothing in that for the guy viewers, right? Bullshit. Most guys I know LOVE getting digital with a girl – free reign to explore her body, the chance to experience the warm wetness of a woman and hear how good it feels when they manage to successfully navigate the multi tasking mad-rad skills of fingering and clit play. Porn has a fascination with the male money shot; everything is geared up to that moment when he explodes over whatever takes his fancy – to this end, the acts are often focused on his pleasure. We see blow jobs a plenty, every position of the fortnight More magazine ever ran with recreated in ten minutes and lots of sultry pouting from the women as the guy slaps her arse or bites at her nipples like an over excited border collie. Do we see any fingering though? No. That would be boring obviously. Sigh. If fingering is on the menu, it’s very much done titillation style, the woman doing it for the benefit of the man watching and not herself.

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When I was at uni, my friends and I discussed how great fingering actually was and how quickly we could get ourselves off; record was just over a minute. When you are growing up, you start to explore your body and learn what turns you on – discovering your clit is comparable only to how I bet they felt when they landed on the moon or decided to add chocolate to croissants. We all agreed though, that however good it feels to get to O point, its a million time better to have a bed buddy get you there. There is something innocent and fun about fingering; it’s not trying to hard to be cool and anyone can be great at it with the right direction.

 

fing3There seems to be this fascination with cramming as much as possible into a sex session, if only to demonstrate your sexual prowess. You want to dazzle and blow your bed buddy away with your skills so think ‘right, I’ll just work my way through the karma sutra – they’ll love that.’ This means that we often forget the good stuff, like just touching and exploring. We think we need to rush straight to being tied up, spanked with a paddle and mentally practising  our safe words, lest our partner think us boring.

I love old school – in a world where we could replace men with sex toys at this point, so advanced are the variety of settings each comes with, it feels nice to get back to basics sometimes. To skip the oral sex and doggy style for some retro making out and finger dancing. It feels like I should be playing my Spice Girls albums and wearing double denim on non school uniform days.

What do you think?

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